Terms Of Endearment
by Anjelik
Summary: From this day on they were known as the couple with the craziest of pet names in Konoha. SasuSaku battle it out! Crack one-shot. Please R&R!


Warnings:

Suggestive themes ( but not too much lol)

OOC-ness

Somewhat naughty pet names

Sasuke's potty mouth

Randomness

**Terms of Endearment **

by Anjelik

"Sasuke-kun?" Oh-oh, she's using that tone again. The sickly sweet kind of voice that could almost make a person die of sugar overdose. And it could mean only one thing...she wanted something from him. Something out of question from him...something which he will suffer greatly from...something she will get in the end, as always. But he won't go down, without a fight, he was an Uchiha, for crying out loud!

"Sakura," he replied calmly. Meet Sasuke Uchiha, the epitome of calmness.

She opened her green eyes as wide as humanly possible. Tche, her so called puppy dog eyes look. As if it would work against him, the so called human ice cube.

"I was thinking...you know, since we're going out...and since you're my boyfriend now...and well you KNOW..." her hand found his and before he knew it a finger was gently tracing the back of his hand, caressing his knuckles from time to time. Real smooth Sakura, playing dirty like that. This means war!

He grabbed her hand just as she was about to continue her ministrations on his knuckles and put it on his chest . Ha! His muscular chest will surely gain him the upper hand!

A blush appeared on her pale face and he smirked to himself, she looked pretty decent (because the word cute had no place in the vocabulary of an avenger, or an Uchiha for that matter) with her cheeks tinted pink like that.

Deciding that she wasn't flustered enough, he brought his other arm around her tiny waist and brought her as close as possible to his body. A surprised and delighted sound left her lips.( the word squeal just wasn't manly enough for him.)

"No, I don't know," he whispered in her ear and felt her shiver against him in response. Oh yeah, he was the cat and she was the mouse. Definitely.

What he wasn't counting on though, was the look of determination that crossed her face. What?! She should have been pudding in his hands by now!

"You know...BABY...I was thinking of pet names." Pet names...? What, was he a dog now...? Wait! Stop and rewind.

"Baby?" he growled. No way was he gonna be called after something that wears diapers and has no hair at all. He has fine hair, dammit!

"Doesn't that just give you ideas?" Yeah, those of screaming and bald infants.

"No." he replied but his mind screamed it a million plus one times.

She seemed to think for a moment before looking him straight in the eyes.

"What about sweetheart?" WTF?! Him having a sweet heart? That's like saying his sharingan eyes were red contact lenses. JUST.NOT.HAPPENING.

"No!" his response was a little bit more vehement this time.

"Okay, jeez, don't get your panties in a knot."Damn her! UCHIHA MEN DON'T WEAR PANTIES!!They wear the manliest manly boxers in the world!

Before he even had the time to breathe this FALSE accusation through, Sakura was at it again.

"How about darling?"

"How about no?"

"Hot stuff?" Hot...stuff? Since when did he lose his person status? And what's hot about...stuff?

"I'd rather die a horrible death over and over again."

"Don't be so dramatic, schmoopsie-poo." No way was he gonna get called an ass by his girlfriend and future wife and mother of a whole new clan of Uchiha babies!

"Absolutely not, where do you even come up with this crap?"

"Oh, here and there...everybody uses pet names." Sasuke raised and eyebrow...the thought of thousands of schmoopsie poo's and hot stuff's walking around Konoha was...disturbing to say the least.

"But back to the subject Sasuke-kun," she leaned her head closer to his neck and nuzzled her nose against his sensitive skin. Damn, this wasn't looking good.

"How about I call you bumbkin?" OMG did she just lick him?

"Ugh...n-no, that sounds like pumpkin..."

"What's bad about pumpkins?" Was she backing him against the bed??

"Orange and fat." Oh the horror, he just whimpered!

"Big-daddy-yum-yum?" She just forced him onto the bed! Mayday, mayday, pride overboard! And how can she still sprout these utterly stupid pet names at a time like this? Big-daddy-yum-yum my ass. Do I look like a child molester? But as hard as I tried, the words just wouldn't come out of my mouth. I settled for just shaking my head.

Ugh, when did she get so skilled at this? She better not have been practicing this without him when he was in Sound.

"Ne, Sasuke-kun, you're being difficult, I don't have many nicknames left...but I have one I like very much," she smiled at him from her position atop of him. She sat up, straddling his hips in the process and fingered the hem of her red shirt provocatively.

"I'll make it easier for you, Sasuke-kun." What was she planning on...HOLY SHIT, SHE JUST TOOK OFF HER SHIRT! And he could see right through her white bra..oh-oh! Okay, take deep breaths, in and out...in and out...This wasn't how he imagined it to be seeing her shirtless for the first time. Not that he ever imagined such things, the Uchiha's were waaaaay above such...ugh activities. Yeah, cause they took action right away. Right.

Uh, so why was she the one taking action?

"How about having some fun, cutie-patootie?"And then she leaned over his chest to place light kisses against the exposed skin of his neck. His reaction? To his utter mortification he moaned. Damn hormones.

"Do you like it?" Her voice was sultry and seductive and everything he never knew she was. His hands were itching to grab her have his way with her...but then again, what was his way? He's never done this before. And yes, before you fall of your chairs and die laughing on the floor, he was still a virgin...To his defense, Sound wasn't what you'd call a pleasure paradise.

"Do you like cutie-patootie?" Was it just him or did she just press her breast even firmer against his chest? Shoot, he needs a cold shower.

"Do you like it?"she asks, her lips just inches from his, almost touching and in his excited state he doesn't even realize what a fatal error he did when he breathed a shaky yes.

In an instant she was standing up and grinning madly like she just won the biggest battle mankind has ever witnessed.

"You do realize that true men stay true to their words."Did he just..." Right... cutie-patootie?"

He did.

Damn.

All the members of the Uchiha clan will most probably be haunting him every remaining night of his pathetic and shameful life...how sad... But then again, there are better activities to do at night, as he just found out, than sleep.

And now it was time for his revenge.

Sakura's victory was truly short lived, before she even had time to put her shirt back on, she found herself on top of the bed once again, a smirking Sasuke atop of her.

"S-Sasuke?"

"You need to learn to finish things you've started," he whispered in her ear making her shudder against him. With a last look at her flushed face he smirked and attacked her lips with all the passion only an Uchiha could posses, well at least that's what Sasuke kept telling himself.

They spent the rest of the day and even night (talk about Uchiha stamina) moaning and screaming each other's name among the bed sheets. Sasuke found out, to his utter joy, how to make Sakura blush (cause she really was cute-err decent when blushing) and Sakura got herself a pet name.

From this day on they were known as the couple with the craziest of pet names in Konoha.

They became known as cutie-patootie and his pussy cakes.

Sometimes it got extremely embarrasing like when Sakura demanded to see her cutie-patootie in front of his whole anbu squad or like when as a payback the dark haired ex-avenger refused to be healed by other medics, he only wanted his pussy cakes. Talk about awkward situations.

But despite it all they were happy, because only Sasuke could make her blush in that 'decent' kind of way of hers and because Sakura was the only who could get away with giving him a pet name.

_The End _

_Author's Note-_ Dunno where this came from...I am quite surprised I could write something like this...never was the humor type...but whatever sigh

Please R & R!!


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